Mounts are a vital part of the game. They allow players to traverse the world and experience new adventures, whether they’re on their own or with friends. These mounts range from funny to goofy, but all have one thing in common- they’re great for laughs.
The top 10 funniest jokes is a list of the top ten most funny and goofiest mounts in the game.
Have you ever been slaving away on FATEs or daily Beast Tribe tasks when you see another player riding a really bizarre, weird, how-does-that-thing-even-fly mount?
A ludicrous mount that draws your attention for a brief moment. You grin as they thrash about frantically, riding an enormous bird with the tiniest wings. Perhaps even a hearty laugh.
If you’re as hooked to Mount Roulette as I am, having a good selection of the game’s more humorous mounts will keep you smiling as you ride to and from your locations – and may even encourage your fellow Eorzeans to do the same.
Check out these choices below to add some wacky flair to your collection and let Fat Chocobo’s delightfully plump cheeks flip that frown upside down.
10. Chocobo Fat
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Fat Chocobo, how I miss you. In Final Fantasy XIV, the original “what the hell?” mount.
Since 2014, Fat Chocobo has been entertaining gamers (Patch 2.2: Through The Maelstrom).
It never ceases to inspire the part of me that yearns for eccentricity in my MMORPGs, no matter how many times I witness its chubby waddle, baby wings, closed eyes, pitiful nibbling at the bunch of gysahl greens dangling from the stick you’re carrying.
Did I mention the music from the mount?
Dissonant Trombones, in a nutshell.
Tubby, who was once a terrestrial bird, was transformed into a flying mount in Heavensward, and this bloated and adored bird magically soared to the skies, assisted by the weak beating of its lil’ wings.
How to get it: The Fat Chocobo Whistle may be obtained by registering A Realm Reborn’s Collector’s Edition ($19.99 to upgrade).
9. Dodo
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In keeping with our theme of crazy birds, the Dodo makes up for its lack of attractiveness with absurdity.
During the horse’s running motion, your character hangs on for dear life, giving the mount its characteristic out-of-control appearance.
Dodo raises its beak to pant while flying.
Its small wings, like Fat Chocobo’s, do their best to keep you aloft.
Almost all races, with the exception of the Lalafell, seem enormous while riding the Dodo, which is presumably why it tries to buck you off all the time!
The Dodo Horn may be found in platinum-haloed bags in Heaven-on-High (floors 71-100).
Laurel Goobbue, No. 8
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What could be more ridiculous than perched on the head of a once-dangerous foe?
It’s ridiculous to see your avatar sitting triumphantly above Laurel Goobbue’s frightening toothy smile and beady eyes.
Observing all of this from the rear (this mount has 100% dad-bod and more rolls than a Pillsbury commercial) is pure fun.
It’s obvious that it flies, don’t you think?
FFXIV has a penchant for logically twisting its ground-only mounts into flying mounts.
This one is no different.
I’m sure it was a lot of fun animating Laurel Goobbue’s flowing noodle arms for flying mode at Square Enix.
After you’ve achieved level 7 (Trusted) with the tribe, you may buy the Laurel Goobbue Horn for 120,000gil from the Sylph Vendor in Little Solace.
Fatter Cat is number seven.
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I was caught off guard the first time I summoned Fatter Cat.
The loveliest meow welcomed me, and out came this chonk of a cream-colored cat lounging comfortably on the ground.
Fatter Cat has an endearing skip to its stride as it runs. During flying, it waddles its delicate paws in the air.
I’ve never really seen a cat fly. However, this is precisely how I see it.
Surprisingly, when mounted, the Palace of the Dead theme music plays. If you find the mount music disturbing, you may wish to turn it off.
The Fatter Cat Bugle may be bought for $16.80 on the MogStation (down from $24).
Mikoshi is number six.
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Mikoshi is, to put it mildly, excessive.
Anyone’s list of goofiest mounts should include any “hold-on-for-your-life” kind.
A dedicated crew of eight cute Namazu carries you in near-perfect synchronization in a Japanese norimono (a kind of palanquin).
Furthermore, the Mikoshi mount has an unique move called ‘Wasshoi,’ which involves the whole squad doing a “heave-ho!” and a shower of golden air sparkles.
When Mikoshi takes flight, hilarity follows as your Namazu buddies cling to the wooden beams by the grace of whatever force pushes the norimono into the air.
If you remain suspended in the air for too long, one of them grows weary and becomes… catatonic(?)
After you achieve level 8 (Bloodsworn) with the tribe, you may purchase the Mikoshi Flute by paying 20 Namazu Koban tokens.
5. Attempting to assassinate the Emperador
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There’s no better way to show off your Gold Saucer grinding passion than with Sabotender Emperador, which is basically a rideable Gold Saucer miniature with a lot to take in.
A cheerful Chocobo girl and a Moogle accompany you as you perch on one of its cactus limbs.
I’m not sure what a bouncing cactus sounds like.
But after riding this horse in terrestrial mode, I have a fairly solid notion.
When Sabotender takes flight, six balloons (including Fat Cat!) burst out, bringing the absurdity to a new level. Chocobo girl even takes to the air!
How to acquire it: The Sabotender Emperador Horn costs 2 million MGP and may be bought at the Gold Saucer.
4. The Bear of Starlight
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Are you hearing the sleigh bells?
Please bear with me on this. Starlight Bear is the most seasonal choice on the list, but its red and white fur-trimmed hat and coat certainly conjure up a winter Christmas joy.
When you overuse the mount’s mount-specific action, Starburst, a targetable AoE that causes Starlight Bear to toss exploding gifts, it gets un-bearably silly.
This is a must-have for the holidays; you’ll be sure to bring pleasure to everyone’s hearts.
The Starlight Bear Horn may be bought at the FFXIV Online Store for $12.
3. Stonecarrier Spriggan
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Nobody knows exactly what a spriggan is.
They resemble a soot-streaked rabbit crossed with Fizzgig from The Dark Crystal.
Spriggans are a typically antagonistic monster with toothpick legs and a fondness for mining. They gather and hurl stones at players.
…except for the one that’s dragging you about in its basket.
Spriggan Stonecarrier is as nice as it is crazy (it has a sunflower pinned to its satchel and butterflies fluttering about).
When it raises you on top of its head, flying through the air with a big toothy grin on its face, a halo of purple jewels surrounds you (which also doubles as its body).
The Spriggan Stonecarrier Horn is available for purchase on the MogStation ($16.80, down from $24).
2. The Kolossus of Korpokkur
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Korpokkur are tiny, thus the -Kolossus suffix.
They’re basically inflated moss balls with a sprout growing from the top of their heads, the apex of which is a large leaf with a lovely crystalline water droplet lying within.
Korpokkur, another Gold Saucer grind, seems to have consumed much too much water, as shown by its enormous size and ludicrous look.
It hops delightfully while in terrestrial mode. It also emits a brilliant green glow in flight, driven by a lovely spiral wind.
I’m not sure how the water droplet manages to remain in the leaf.
How to acquire it: The Korpokkur Kolossus Whistle may be bought for 750,000 MGP at the Gold Saucer.
1. Adamantoise is a kind of lizard.
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Before I tell you about my #1 choice, let me ask you a question:
When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
Adamantoise seems to be ordinary at first sight. It’s a large turtle with a carpet draping over its shell.
And the nonchalant manner in which your character sits on it betrays a level of madness for which no one is prepared the first time they see it.
When Adamantoise is in flight, it tucks its head and limbs inside its shell and spins around quickly, propelled by flaming jet propulsions coming from its… leg holes.
I could spend a lifetime attempting to explain my inner turmoil and yet not come close to adequately describing this turtle.
The icing on the cake is your character’s ability to retain their disinterest while spinning.
How to acquire it: The Adamantoise Whistle may be bought for 200,000 MGP at the Gold Saucer.
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